go to the one hundred and twentyfifth set of Jewish jokes

This is the one hundred and twentyfourth set of Jewish jokes

(#2120) Popping the question

Aaron and his girlfriend Ruth have just spent a really nice Sunday afternoon together and as soon as he takes Ruth back to her house, Aaron goes into the lounge to talk to Mr Levy.
"Hello Aaron," says Mr Levy. "And what can I do for you today?"
"I want .... I want to marry your daughter Ruth," replies Aaron, hesitatingly.
"Oy," says Mr Levy, "have you seen my wife yet?"
"Of course I have," replies Aaron. "She's very nice, but I still prefer Ruth."

(#2121) I've come about my wife
Monty goes to see Dr. Jones. "How can I help you?" asks Dr. Jones.
"I've not come about myself," replies Monty. "It's about my wife Renee."
"So what's the matter with Renee?" asks Dr. Jones.
"Over the last few weeks," replies Monty, "Renee has begun exhibiting signs of developing an inferiority complex."
"That can happen sometimes as we get older," says Dr. Jones. "But don't worry, I can help her."
"Oy, I didn't come to you for help in treating Renee," says Monty. "I came to you for advice on how I can keep Renee that way."

(#2122) The tombstone
After a long illness, a well known feygele dies and is buried in his local cemetery. Following his instructions before he died, his family arrange a special tombstone for him. On it are the words: -

feygele: a gay man
gai: go
in drerd: into the earth

(#2123) The signing of the Wills
[My thanks to Hilary for the following]
One evening, 75 year old Joshua says to his 73 year old wife Naomi, "We still haven't drawn up our Wills, darling, and I think we should do so as soon as possible. I know you've always been apprehensive about talking of death, but we aren't getting any younger and we owe it to our children. What do you think?"
"Well, ...... OK then," replies Naomi, "I suppose we must do it at some time. Why don't you call our solicitor tomorrow."
Two weeks later, following a stressful meeting with their solicitor, they are called in to sign their new Wills. As soon as they are seated in his office, the solicitor says to them, "OK, then. Which one of you two wants to go first?"
NB For those who are worried, Naomi only fainted for 2 minutes.

(#2124) A Poem
[author unknown]
A pharmacist named Abe Leisen,
So loved his bubbe from Meissen,
That to honour her name,
And propel her to fame,
He invented the drug Bubbemycin.

(#2125) Jewish Texting Codes for Seniors
[My thanks to Asher for the following]
ASOTV ......... Alan Sugar's On TV
BTW ............. Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT ............ Bring Your Own Teeth
DWI ............... Driving While Incontinent
FWB .............. Friend With Beta-blockers
FWIW .............Forgot Where I Was
FYI ................. For Your Indigestion
GTG .............. Gotta Groan
IMHO ............. Is My Hearing-Aid On?
JK ................. Just Kvetching
OMG ............ Ouch, My Groin!
ROFL-CGU.. Rolling On The Floor Laughing - Can't Get Up
RULKM ........ Are You Leaving Kids Money?
TGIF ............. Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O'Clock - Early Bird Special)
WIWYA ........ When I Was Your Age
WTF ............. What's Today's Fish?
YYY ............... Yadda, yadda, yadda

(#2126) It was obvious
[My thanks to Laurence F for the following]
As Moshe enters the stadium for an afternoon of watching top Jewish athletes in action, he passes one of the competitors carrying a long pole. Even though it seemed so obvious, Moshe still goes over to the competitor and asks, "I suppose you're a pole-vaulter?"
"Nein," replies the competitor, "you're nearly right. I am a German. But tell me - how did you know my name vas Valter?"

(#2127) The angry client
[My thanks to Hilary A for the following]
Laurence is an accountant and is getting ready to leave his house for an early morning meeting with one of his female clients. But he is not looking forward to it at all. This client is always unbelievably bad tempered and quarrelsome - a typical cantankerous client if ever there was one.  As he is about to go downstairs for breakfast, his 5 year old daughter Hilary goes over to him and asks, "What's the matter daddy? You look very unhappy."
"I am, darling," replies Laurence. "Daddy is soon going to see a very angry woman who always shouts and yells at him."
"Oh," says Hilary. "So when you see mummy, tell her I'll be down soon."

(#2128) Just to be sure
[My thanks to Zal for the following]
Ever since Emma joined her shul's choir, she's been singing in her kitchen whilst preparing dinner. But strangely, whenever she starts singing, her husband Joshua opens the front door and stands on the doorstep.
Emma doesn't know why he does this so one evening she asks him, "Darling tell me the truth. You don't like my singing?"
"Why do you ask?" he replies.
"Because every time I start singing when you're at home, you get up and stand on our doorstep," she replies.
"Well actually I quite like your singing," says Joshua, "but I just want to make sure that our neighbours don't think I'm beating you."

(#2129) How curious
[My thanks to Dalia M for the following]
9 year old Emanuel has always been very curious about almost everything he sees. One day, whilst out in the park with his dad and elder brother, Emanuel sees their next door neighbour Victor, an elderly man of nearly 80, sitting on a bench reading a book. So Emanuel immediately runs over to the bench.
"Hello Victor," says Emanuel, looking closely at the book Victor is reading.
"Why hello Emanuel," says Victor, looking up.
"What book are you reading?" asks Emanuel.
"I'm reading a history book, Emanuel," replies Victor.
Emanuel has already seen the book's title, so pointing to the book, he says, "But Victor, that's a book about sex, isn't it?"
"Yes, Emanuel, you're very observant," replies Victor. "But you see, for me this book really is a history book."

go to the one hundred and twentyfifth set of Jewish jokes


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